Proper Care and Feeding of Kuramakitsune
by silrayn silverwolf
Summary: What to do if you're stuck with Kurama-kitsune for a week...A pair furry silver ears poke out of no where then lively golden eyes and lolling tongue follow. Diabolical snickering can be heard all around. NON-YAOI, ONE-SHOT


**Title:** The Proper Care and Feeding of Kurama-kitsune   
**Author: **silrayn silverwolf   
**Genre: **Humor, Omake   
**Rating: **PG13 for violence and general mayhem, non-yaoi   
**Disclaimer: **Yu Yu Hakusho was not mine.   
**Teaser: **What to do if you're stuck with Kurama-kitsune for a week...*A pair furry silver ears poke out of no where then lively golden eyes and lolling tongue follow. Diabolical snickering can be heard. * 

**Strange Punctuation:**   
_* Xxx xxx. * _- Actions of characters and descriptions   
_: Xxx xxx. :_ - Thought conversation 

**The Proper Care and Feeding of Kurama-kitsune**   
YU YU HAKUSHO FANFICTION 

_* Camera rolled onto a super-genki, pink-haired, blue-eyed ditz of a girl. Her figure was a perfect 36-24-36. She was wearing a blue mini-skirt, large-sleeved, goldenrod-yellow, low-bodice peasant blouse and blue stiletto heels. Her long hair was bound in two pigtails and blue beads hung from them on lighter blue silk cords. She bounced in place. *_

This show details the proper care and feeding of Kurama-kitsune. At first glance, it seemed right to think that taking care of this lovely little fox was an easy task but things weren't so simple as I have discovered with my week with him. Oh not so simple at all! 

_* A silver fox sat up proudly in the background. Golden eyes glowed at everyone. * _

Foxes are hard to take care of mainly because they are wild animals and not domesticated. They are very independent creatures. Kurama-kitsune was more than most of the breed. He was also more intelligent... 

_* The silver fox licked a paw with a very smug expression on his face. He fans out his four sleek fluffy tails. *_

...more lively... 

_* Foxy mouth dropped open in a foxy grin. *_

...more vain... 

_* Foxy eyes darkened in annoyance. *_

...more temperamental...Yeow! Get off! Get off! 

_* The host hopped away with a kitsune attached to her ankle and tripped. Crash, Bang, Smash. *_

*** 

_* In a kitchen... *_

The first thing we need to discuss is the proper feeding of Kurama-kitsune. Some foxes like humans have allergies. One of the common allergies in foxes is the one for chocolate. Like this... 

_* Brought up a chocolate bar and placed it on a table. Kurama-kitsune padded disdainfully into the kitchen with his four tails in the air. He crouched, wiggling his butt a bit and jumped up. He landed gracefully on the table. Unnoticed, he started to nibble on the chocolate bar. *_

It is essential that you prevent Kurama-kitsune from eating anything with chocolate in it because you are not sure if he has the allergy for it. 

_* Turned to the table. *_

Kurama! Don't eat that! 

_* Kurama flipped head over tails then becomes immobile. *_

Are you all right? 

_* The host felt Kurama's chest and felt the regular rising and falling of the furry breast. She whacked him on the head. *_

Kurama, you ham! 

_* The silver kitsune sat up and sticks his tongue out at the host. He lolls his tongue out in a foxy grin, wagging his tails, all the while. The host looked at the half-eaten chocolate bar. She wrinkled her nose, and in a low annoyed voice... *_

I was going to eat it later, you furry bandit! 

_* The host went all cheery and bounced to face the camera. *_

Where was I? Yes, processed foods were also not recommended, not even canned dog food like this. 

_*Showed the audience an opened can of dog food then puts it on the table. *_

Not that you need to worry about it... 

_* The silver kitsune on the tabletop stuck his nose up in the air and gave the canned dog food a derisive sniff. *_

Trust me, he wouldn't touch it with a ten-foot pole. I tried to feed it to him before. 

_* The host sighs and flips a lock out of her eye revealing a badly chewed portion of her billowing sleeve. She brought out some raw lettuce, tomatoes, onions and cucumbers. *_

Raw vegetables were acceptable… 

_* The silver kitsune looked at greens, wagging his tail a bit. *_

…but with this fox, they're better prepared. 

_* Took out a salad and pours out some dressing on it. The kitsune wagged his tail enthusiastically and digs in as soon as the bowl was put on the table. * _

This particular fox also care about the bowl. Note that the bowl is made of fine china... 

_* Pointed to the salad bowl. Upon close inspection, everyone can see the fine patterns of blue and white, and the fine craftsmanship of it. *_

Of course, meat is a staple of fox diet. 

_* Brought out a sirloin-cut steak of the freezer while the silver kitsune was snuffling at the end of the bowl. Then stuck out her tongue as the fox took his face out of the bowl to belch. *_

As with the vegetables cooked was better than raw. 

_* Placed the steak in a prepared marinade and cackles "Mine! Mine! All mine!" while putting the steak into the refrigerator. *_

If the foxy behaves you may want to give him a treat. 

_* In a low voice... *_

Believe me, you'd want to encourage this little monster to behave! 

_* The scene fades into another time…the host with a plastic bowl on her head and vegetables scattered everywhere…the host neatly pinned on the wall by several knives…the host being attacked by a killer broccoli…* _

_* The kitsune looks like he's trying very hard to ignore this particular statement. She cheerfully bounced back to take out something frozen out of the freezer. *_

Liver is considered a good treat to give. Foxes like it and...and...Hey! Come back with that! You haven't earned it! 

_* Four tails waving in the air as a stuffed kitsune ran away with frozen liver in his mouth with the host frantically trying to catch him, seriously hampered by her high heee--Crash! *_

*** 

_* Outside, in a park... *_

It was not advisable to leave Kurama-kitsune alone in the park. 

_* Several fan-girls cluster around the silver kitsune on the bench. The fox seems to enjoy the attention, foxy grinning all the while. *_

It isn't only kidnappers, dogs or unkind strangers one has to worry about. 

_* The silver fox jumps down and walks away to leave the girls who were saying things like "kawaii" as he rubs against the host's legs. *_

Protecting innocent bystanders was also something to be considered. 

_* Several of the fan-girls fall on their faces as a close up with the camera reveals that their shoelaces have been nibbled apart. *_

It is not advisable to try to lift or cuddle foxes too tightly, as they will misunderstand such handling. Anyone doing so will get bites and scratches for their trouble. Since Kurama-kitsune was more intelligent than they... 

_* Kurama-kitsune preens smugly, rubbing his left paw behind his left ear. *_

...One has to ask expressed permission first before cuddling or lifting him. While this was done verbally, the answer, if any was forthcoming, will come in the form of mental communication. 

May I? 

_: Hai. :_

_*The host lifts up the kitsune gently and Kurama cuddles up to her breast, snuggling and almost purring all the while. When suddenly... *_

Aieeegh! 

_* The host lets the silver kitsune go and runs streaking off camera. The silver kitsune sits on the ground eyes twinkling. Then he coughs up something. The camera closes in to reveal...chewed up, black-colored nylon cloth and plastic--bra straps! The kitsune's expression goes back to his friendly look, waiting for his next victim. *_

*** 

_* Inside a spacious yard with a mansion in the background...*_

Foxes like to roam. They do not appreciate being enclosed in a small space. It is best to have a large house like this one with a big yard. The yard had to have a wall that's at least 8 feet high that extends 4 feet underground. Foxes may not climb trees but they are well known to dig their way out of freedom. Dogs and humans are dangers you have to protect Kurama-kitsune from though he is in less danger than most. 

_* Kurama-kitsune snickered from behind a tree root and a vine whipped out to snag the host's leg. Crash! After the host has recovered from her spill, she goes to the front door and bends down to point a small door below. *_

It is best to have a cat-door for the fox to come in and out of the out as he wishes. He is housebroken enough to know... 

_* The host meeped and quailed as Kurama-kitsune looked at her evilly. *_

Correction, he is an intelligent and civilized enough to be allowed inside a house. 

_* The silver fox looked smugly at the host and enters the house. He entered in a fast run that made the small door react so violently that it swung hard back. Thwack! It hit the host's forehead hard. The host sprawled on the doorstep unconscious. * _

*** 

_* Back to the stage... *_

In conclusion, taking care of Kurama-kitsune is no mean task and a full-time job! Anyone who has found him or her in the same situation has my full sympathy. Ja ne! 

_* In an undertone… *_

Ne, Kurama-san, you owe me a date. I won our bet. I managed throughout the week and through the show without swearing even once. 

_* Poof. The mists swirled around the silver fox to reveal a redheaded bishounen. Lovely green eyes peered out of a very handsome, feminine face. Kurama-the-Ningen wore his usual green silk Chinese tunic trimmed with golden ribbon and white shirt and pants. He takes the host's arm and they leave the stage to the envious mutterings of the fan girls. *_

**~ Owari ^^() ~**

**Author's Notes:**

- The data on foxes were taken from a site: http://urbanfox.org. The rest is silrayn's own invention. ^^; 

- Don't think that Kurama's too nice to this mayhem. Read "The Guide to Top Ten Yu Yu Hakusho Myths" and see that Kurama's not that _nice_. On top of that, he is a practical joker. 

- Would you put up with Kurama-kitsune's shenanigans for a whole week and be humiliated on a camera to date Kurama's human form? Let me know. *wolfy grins*   



End file.
